Three Things

Three jobs I have had:

1. Movie critic
2. Salesman for Smirnoff Vodka
3. Radio jockey

Three movies I can watch over and over:

1. The Matrix
2. The Godfather
3. The Lord of the Rings (I consider them all as one movie)

Three TV shows I love:

1. Friends
2. Star Trek (TOS and TNG only)
3. Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Three vacations I love:

1. London
2. The Andaman Islands
3. River rafting down the Ganges

Three of my favorite dishes:

1. Tandoori Raan (at Karim's)
2. Mum's mutton-pilaw
3. The wife's marchwangan korma

Three sites I visit daily:

1. http://www.rediff.com
2. http://movie-reviews.colossus.net
3. http://rogerebert.suntimes.com

Three places I would rather be right now:

1. Hogwarts
2. Phi Phi Islands
3. Anywhere but here at work

The Road to Excess

It's OK to be clever. But only over here. Do not try it at home. Or anywhere else. Thinking is only to be performed by carefully trained professionals.

Do not think for yourself. Do not think for your neighbour. Do not ever think for your neighbour's pretty wife or daughter. Safer still, do not think.

The world does not suffer thinkers gladly. Drinkers however are suffered gravely.

Do not blink. Do not take your eyes off the road. The road to excess. Only through the doors of excess can you venture out to open your senses.

Black is my mood. Blue is what I feel. But pink is my favourite colour.

Verbiage Most Verbose

I saw this rather unusual movie last week, and had the fortune of experiencing the most scintillating piece of cinematic dialogue delivery. I reproduce it (after much searching on the net, I must admit) for your consideration:

"Voila! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and villanous vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V..."

The movie in question "V for Vendetta", the actor who mouths this Hugo Weaving, and the guys who penned this The Wachowski Brothers. The movie manages to combine a strong socio-political message in a compact and highly intense experience. Infused with issues that pervade in the global political climate of our times, this movie belies its trappings as a mere action adventure. The acting, the cinematography, the effects, and the general vision of this film make it all very likely that it will reach cult status...

Grin And Beer It

The Delhi heat is terrible. It would have been truly unbearable (all puns intended!) had it not been for beer. For example, I spent the whole of last Sunday roaming around an amusement park just because the wife had this sudden, uncontrolable urge to do so. I came back thoroughly dehydrated for my efforts. But soon turned into a brand-new man after downing a couple of chilled beers.

There are good beers, great beers, and fantastic beers. And then there are Indian beers, those of the glycerine-saturated variety. There's Foster's that combines the taste of a lager with the kick of a stout. There's Guinness stout, unfortunately not too easily available in India. This one always reminds me of chocolate; though I don't quite know why. Then there's Kingfisher, probably the only decent beer that comes out of India, and also the first that ever touched these lips.

A few good reasons why I prefer beer to the wife on a lazy Saturday afternoon:

10. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
9. Beer never has a headache.
8. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
7. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
6. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.
5. Its okay to leave a party with a different beer than the one you brought.
4. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
3. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation--it goes along happily.
2. You can put all your old beers together in one room and they won't fight.

And number 1. A beer never demands to be taken to an amusement park on a blazing summer day, dammit!

Monday Morning Blues

"Monday morning blues
You know a prayer will see me through
Monday morning blues
You know I'll make my dreams come true."

Like most people, I do get my share of the monday morning blues. A common affliction for all those whose weekends are filled with action. But unlike most, I know just how to deal with the blues.

I just make sure I wear something blue. That ensures that Monday knows I'm feeling blue. And after having ensured that I've registered my protest, I forget all about it, and get to work!

Do try it. An acceptable alternative would be to listen to blues music all day long while continuing to work!

Things to Do Before You Turn Thirty

That's it! I've reached there. The significant one, the landmark one. The dreaded three-oh!

Three decades completed, and what have I achieved till date? Time to take stock. I checked out the net, looking for the most sensible list of "things to do before you turn thirty".

And this is what I discovered are my dozen most significant achievements till date:

1) Marry someone in Vegas. Well I did married, does that count? Even though it was in India, not Vegas, it was still the dumbest thing I've done till date.

2) Be an extra on a tv show. I did turn up as part of the audience at a quiz show, and did manage to pick up two prizes by answering questions that the smart ones had missed.

3) Have sex in a public place. Tee, hee...done that too...

4) Go to London and run into the wall at platform nine and three quarters. Did go to London, did run into several platforms, but did not find the train to Hogwarts...

5) Steal something from someone famous. Well I do have a weighing machine that belonged to Sushmita Sen, actor and former Ms Universe. But she gave it to me, I did not have to steal it, so I guess that does not count.

6) Buy a person at an auction. Thank god, I did not have to join the arranged marriage market. That would surely have qualified.

7) Get arrested for something stupid like indecent exposure or disrupting the peace or being drunk and disorderly. Done that...kissed a policeman on New Year's Eve. Got off with a warning though...

8) Fall off a horse. Have fallen off a mule once. And fallen off a bike too many times to count...after having one too many...

9) Use cheesy chat up lines on a stranger. Been there, done it...successful pick-ups 3 out of 5.

10) Be part of a large protest. Was there at the Hyde Park protest against the Iraqi invasion.

11) Cause a fight. Caused several. Enjoyed them all. Tremendously!

12) Have a threesome. Done that too. Both kinds. Too much fun, but too stoned to remember much. Ha ha ha...